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uncomfortable

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This entry is warded with an extra-strong ward that Patty was taught by her mother and ordered not to teach anyone else.

That was just weird. It wasn't even that cloudy, and Vablatsky threw us out of the classroom before we had even really begun to get started. She just looked up out of one of her telescopes, and started to pace and rant, and then she told us all to leave. She said there was a storm coming, and she thought it might be dangerous. I think it was Mal McGonagall and Lewis Diggory she sent to go make sure Goyle knew.

(I think I might actually like Mal McGonagall. But I don't want Maeve to know because he's an heir and if she thinks he might like me, I...well, I don't know why, but I don't trust her not to take notice of him herself if I point him out. And that's so weird, because she is my best friend and normally I tell her EVERYTHING. She doesn't really pay attention to Gryffindors, but half my cousins are in Gryffindor, so I don't consider it a disqualification. And neither would she if she thought about it. Although the Diggories probably have more money, she'd never look at one of them because their mother is a little muddy and well, they don't have a title. But Mal is the one that I like the most actually.)

I hope this doesn't mean there's going to be a raid tonight.

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apathetic

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I haven't written a thing in here for ages. Am I beginning to think like my mother? I hope not. My mother hates it that I even have a journal, although I'm sure she reads it too. Which is fine with me, since I can't say what I want to say to her face, and she won't admit that she reads it. Mostly I've just been trying to get through the days, even with everything else going on, demons and spies and all that, we still have lectures and readings and tests and I'm not smart like Arianwen so I have to study a lot if I want to pass.

Maeve's sister hasn't done anything yet to help her find a husband, but she's on the Inquisition, and I don't know why because she's dreadful. The pickings are so slim in our year. I wonder why that is. It's not much better for the older girls. Jessica Walsingham still isn't engaged and she's beautiful. Jenny Wyngarde and Helena Goldstein are being horrible, they say that Marcus Avery has a crush on me. As if I'd ever even look at him, with his terrible bloodlines and his pathetic little brother! Maeve still looks at Galen de Rais. How much more evidence does she need that being married to him would be horrible?

I hope it's not true the Malfoys are returning. Cynthia's been so nice, and I hate Charis Marvell, she's always so hard on us.

Celerity Warrington's acting very strangely. She and Alma Greengrass, whose father was a traitor, are still best friends, and now they're sitting behind the curtains of her bed. I wonder if they're doing something nasty like everyone says Ducas and Saint-Germain do, but somehow I doubt it. Celerity is so nice, she's just too nice for her own good. Cynthia said we should leave them alone, so I suppose I will.

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worried

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I know Maeve thinks I'm being jealous, and probably won't hear a word of what I have to say to her about it, but I'm worried that maybe she likes Galen de Rais a little bit more than she should. I saw him trying to take Colette and Dimity's money. And it's not his fault he's poor, and he does have a title, and Maeve certainly has plenty of money, but...stealing, in public, like that? No dignity.

My stepfather and my mother are in the Beltane Knights, and they talk about the people they know, and sometimes I hear it. The de Rais family is never going to amount to anything as long as Galen's father is alive; he's as profligate with his finances as Uncle Henry and Aunt Jo were. (It is rather crass of Endymion not to wear mourning except for an armband, but given the way they treated him, I don't suppose he can be blamed...) He's already spent half the money he made on Ghislaine's bride-price and he's looking for someone to take Giselle next. Of course he wants Galen to have a rich wife, with a large dowry, but Maeve's parents will either protect her dowry against Gervais in the marriage contract, which means Gervais will never sign it, and marry Galen to someone much stupider, or by the time he dies, Maeve's money will all be spent, and what will she and Galen have to live on but the income from their own children's marriages?

Maeve's so determined to have a title. I've seen her look at Lucius Malfoy even though he's two years younger than we are and engaged to Isabella Zabini. It's true, I am jealous of Maeve over some things. Everyone knows who her father is, not just that the tapestry didn't reject her outright. Her pedigree and prospects are clear. I might not marry well at all, and I don't know what I'll do with myself if I don't, but at least I've got nothing to lose in a marriage...

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infuriated

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She went out and left me alone here again! My mother and her stupid, stupid job! All she does is take notes for Dr Taverner. A Squib could do it! But even when she's had a day off scheduled for months, if she gets a bird then she's off, and we might not see her for hours, sometimes days!

And Colette is no help what.so.ever.

She encourages them. Do I LOOK like a house-elf?

I can't wait to get married.